Marriage - So Many Couples In Bed - That You Begin To See What Fidelity Really Means
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2010
by Christofer French
Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
The Complex Entity That Is The Couple A couple. It sounds so simple. Like holding hands. Hands are made to be held right? Or maybe a couple is like a male and female electronic connection. If you are coupled, you are joined right? And it's oh so simple, because love is the glue that keeps us together. We know it is not that simple, but generally people think that they did not get it right just because they did not "couple correctly". They just didn't find the right person. There it is! Coupling is simple, it's just a game of searching. Many using astrology would construct a game of hit and miss by casting horoscopes that are magic or blow up in our face. But alas, even though I am an astrologer, and believe that there is much to learn from astrology, I still think we over simplify the incredible challenge by not seeing the Couple as a highly complex separate entity.
If you have noticed a couple of many decades, you can see their similarities and harmonies. Their unity of purpose and style. They seem to be in an unconscious dance of movement. As if some choreographer from long ago designed their dance, and now they move with an effortlessness. Not just mimicking sameness. They have evolved into a contrapuntally moving dialectic -- a smiling divergence of harmony....separating, coming together, working in one direction, then the next, then as the evening closes, there they are in each others' arms. What a wonder is the beauty of a colorful couple moving along together through their days.
There Are Four Couples In Every Marriage
Yes, it is a play on words, but it is a darned serious metaphorical construction. There are Four Couples In Every Marriage. The first couple is Boy who loves Girl. Then, the Girl that is loving the Boy. Then the more silent and neglected Pairs. The Girl caring for the Girl. The Boy caring for the Boy.
When this square becomes more three dimensional, you start to see how a successful marriage works and develops and evolves. One woman put it this way about her recently acutely sick husband. "I stopped him and said, "Honey, I would not be caring for you if I did not say you were not caring for yourself well enough."
Many A Divorce Invokes Sample Dialogue
"You were so busy taking care of yourself, that you did not let me take care of you!"
"We loved each other a lot, but I did never consulted my own heart,"
"We were so busy "developing" that we never "enveloped" each other."
"I wanted to be loved a certain way. You would never listen to how I wanted to be cared for by you!"
"I know we are just two so different people, but we hardly ever talked about how different we were as individuals."
Not Appreciating The Power of Coupling
A couple can go on and on because there are so many factors holding it together. And, the sheer measurement of time passing over and through our conversations can bring us together even if we are not really together. Marriage and coupling is so powerful in terms of momentum and enmeshment that in some ways, it is a wonder that people ever officially separate. And then, that being said, there are so many differences and empty-nesses and hurts and voids that you wonder how people every really stay in love with each other. And then you realize, many many understand that there are four couples in the union. And when all four fields are firing at the same time, like some well oiled silent high octane machine, you realize that the harmony has a self-augmenting quality. However, when we don't see the power of the augmentation, and let the union dry up, or suffer from neglect, you can see that the lack of appreciation can be measured and observed at many levels.
"Let There Be Spaces In Your Togetherness"
Gibran said it well. "Let There Be Spaces in Our Togetherness". We are truly like columns. And the image is vivid. Two columns can not be too close to one another, otherwise what purpose do they serve? Some couples really really need to observe this. America seems sometimes to be producing madness of speed. Hurtling "hecticness" that resolves itself with blown tires. By this I do not mean, just leave each other alone. I mean, go out somewhere where you can both feel purposeful solitude. Be creative. You can share experiences that you have just had with yourself, that you have never had before. This practice allows you to acknowledge the Four Couples as an active ignition of all the parts of you.
The Preciousness of The Involved Souls
Take a spiritual bath, be nice to yourself. Spend some money on metaphysical treatments that bring your heart to a vibrant joy, electrify your brain with vitality and mellow your soul for the beautiful blending of self realization. Often people are just miserable; just plain old miserable, and they blame their mates because they are the closest ones. Stop. Acknowledge that your lonesome soul may not be despairing because of your mate, but because of your neglect of the Care of your Own Soul.
The Parallax View
The Parallax View is a unique viewpoint: A viewpoint from which you can observe and study something or somebody from a new angle, thus gaining insights unavailable before.
Maybe the Neglect of Your Own Soul can be a group effort, maybe it is a project that you both can pursue. This is why marriages are good for the participants. You get the Parallax View. As a couple, your value as an individual is affected and it also affects. This field of influence that, swims in and through your knowledge and awareness can not be separated from the Couple. Oh, you can separate from the Couple. But until you do, appreciate your importance to your mate. Appreciate your mate's importance to you. Appreciate that the love you are trying to carefully administer to your partner, and the other way around, has to do with Your Health and Happiness and Growth. There is no one who sees you, knows you, and also benefits from providing you with insights you can not have, just because you are on the inside looking out. Your mate has a view from you from the outside looking in. That is the benefit of the mate. Your mate gets to benefit from your observation from the outside looking in. So rejoice in the Magic of Happy Coupling. There is a Marital Clarity that comes when all four actions are taking place in concert. And there is one extra added benefit. Each gets Commentary about --
"What Your Mate Thinks About Your Efforts To Take Care of Yourself"
"I care for myself. I care for you. You care for yourself. You care for me. But I also watch you take care of yourself. And you watch me take care of myself." These Parallax Marital Viewpoints allow for years of Joy and Growth and Realization. It is a design that works when implemented. It's what we call Marital Love. It is also what we call "High Maintenance". Christofer French is the Founder of Astrologygetalong.com.
This Article has been viewed 293 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)What you say is meaningful to me, Christofer. I think the degree to which I can hear my own needs and attend to them illustrates my self-esteem. Low self esteem makes for co-dependency to my way of thinking.
Yes. Sometimes a loud awakening precedes great self discovery. Often relationships get lost in the process of treating yourself.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.