Understanding the Female Mind - Dad Learns from His Three Daughters!
Posted: Saturday, August 20, 2011
by Christofer French
Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
There I was trying to get a recording of my five year old daughter, who was not being nice to her three year old sister, explain how she was going to change.
I was giving a seminar on “Parent/Child Communications” in 1977. I was an ordained minister who had been hired by a Foundation. I was travelling and giving these little seminars as two hour events to give parents a little instruction and inspiration, and then promoting foundation membership for the array of services we would be offering. I was also the Managing Editor for Successful Living, a bi-monthly newsletter that addressed topics like human relations, budgeting for the family, family legal problems, job hunting and the like.
I Needed a Cute Little Voice Saying “Yes, Daddy, I will treat my Sister Better”
The recording went something like this:
Dad: “Stacey, have you been hitting your sister?”
Stacey: “Daddy, Natalie and I have been singing “Grease”. We are the singing sisters.”
Dad: “Stacey, do you get frustrated with Natalie sometimes?”
Stacey: “Daddy, Natalie can do the splits. I can’t do the splits.”
Dad: “Natalie is younger than you. You shouldn’t hit her.”
Stacey: “You know Nat does what she wants to do.”
Dad: “That’s true. She does not listen to any of us, does she?”
Stacey: “…Tell me more, tell me more, did he get very far….dudduddudah”
Dad: “Stacey, oh that song…Olivia Newton John sings that.
Stacey: “Daddy. Your office needs to be clean. Look at how messy it is!”
Dad: “I am recording this for posterity; don’t tell the world Daddy has a messy office!”
Stacey: “Nat’s my little playmate. It’s just that she doesn’t listen.”
The Recording that Wasn’t Teaches Dad, Not Daughter
I was only in my mid-20’s at the time, and I still had much to learn about many things. But this little encounter taught me volumes, and began a very valuable set of experiences.
1. If a woman does not wish to address a topic at a certain time you should not force the issue.
2. Because a woman evades an issue does not mean she is guilty or responsible, it just means that the explanation is too lengthy and complex for you at the time; ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A FATHER OR A HUSBAND.
3. The lack of an explanation does not mean that there is not an explanation.
4. A woman changing the subject means that she is shifting the conversation to the real topic.
5. Because you might be armed with a single issue that only ensures that she will instantly come up with at least two issues for her side.
6. It is of utmost importance to keep your female friend on a path of friendly interchange.
7. Remember, when everything else is exhausted, she can still tell you to clean your office.
Full Female Effulgence
We can all learn from each other no matter our ages. Growing up in a large family means that we all learn something from each other, no matter the age or the gender. This particular event however, carved a place in my memory, chiefly because I was trying to capture in a recording the dynamic of human communication between my daughter and myself, and how I could not corral my daughter into a neat little “lesson learned” or “mea culpa Daddy”, but rather what emerged was the purity of the female mind in full effulgence at this tender age. I still marvel at the experience of my three daughters and all the entertainment, inspiration and pure wide-eyed fun I had being a Dad being raised by my daughters.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)This is an utterly charming recollection. I love that you shared it with. Amazing how clever, adorable and darling your little ones were, and how wonderful all young children are in general. I especially enjoyed your ending sentence, "I still marvel at the experience of my three daughters and all the entertainment, inspiration and pure wide-eyed fun I had BEING A DAD BEING RAISED BY MY DAUGHTER.- It looks like your kids taught you well - right from the start. Great article, Christofer.
Thanks very much. The recollection of this has carried many seeds of thought for me. So many cool analogies, and the pure boldness of the soul explaining her world with no fear and no sense of lack or diminishment. It is beautiful watching the young human soul becoming used to being down here one more time. I tried to learn good. Thanks for your wonderful comment.
and you did record it for posterity - glad we readers got to be part of that illusive group! GRIN"Posterity" turned out to be elusive and illusive, but she did kick my "posterior", just by being her beautiful self. I kind of "let Stacey raise herself". She is now 39 and still in her female efullgence! Thanks for your shining forth. I can see it in your eyes. Love, Christofer
As that old adage goes "Out of the mouths of babes" We can definitely learn from the youngDear David:
Yes, "suffer the little children to come unto me" is well taken. While I am "deconstructing" myself, I relish communicating with my six grandchildren. If I want to get closer to God's grace and nature, I look up one of these. Thanks for your comment David.
Yours,
Christofer
This is so delightful, Christofer, but also filled with the gritty wisdom that comes from letting yourself be real. I laughed at your list, it's very funny. True of course!! I think your children have a wonderful father...
It took me years to realize that Stacey telling me to clean up my office was not a deflection. It was BOTH. It was her female cleaning mind being compelled to make an observation, at the same time she was verbalizing something that could take my mind off the pressure I was putting on her. And all this from such a young person!
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