All I Want for Saturnalia is...My Two Front Teeth
Posted: Tuesday, December 06, 2011
by Christofer French
Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
City of Sepphoris - Roman Guard House: Near the Winter Solstice, Approx: 13 A.D.
*Sepphoris was "perched like a bird" on a four hundred-foot hill overlooking the Bet Netofa Valley. Its Hebrew name, Zippori, "bird," reflects its lofty location. The city commanded a panoramic view of Lower Galilee, including the towns of Cana and Nazareth. The historian Josephus called it “The Ornament of Galilee." Sepphoris boasted a 4,000-seat amphitheater, built into the eastern side of the hill, probably while Jesus was a teenager. Herod’s rebuilt city included his palace, an upper city and a lower city, a large market place, synagogues, a colonnaded street, and a residential area. Several large cisterns supplied water for the city.
Marcus poured some wine for Julius. Sitting in their new “remodeled” Guard House, they took in the beauty of the newly finished wood of their “office”. Julius smoothed his hands over the newly worked beams and smiled with admiration. “Marcus, those two guys from Nazareth did good work.”
Marcus ignored his comment on the beautiful new carpentry. “Julius, we got little paper hats. We got our special Tavern Owner bringing over lots of treats and meats. Our problem is coin.” Julius's style was all “Centurion”. We have been fighting alongside each other through Gaul, the Carpathians, Thrace, and now Judea. We’re the Roman army; we get a line of credit. I mean!” He waved his hands in ironic splendor. “If we run out of coin, they can wait for a week, or a month; or damn it, we don’t even have to pay them.”
“Julius, our place has gotten lots of loving care from the guy from Nazareth, and his teenage kid. We owe them coin too. I think they are coming tonight because they figure they can get fully paid. Look, they did a great job. Sure, we have the power to screw anyone we want to, but we have to live with these people. We have already defeated them; we can’t grind our foot into their necks. Come on. You sound like you are already drunk. Have you been getting ready for Saturnalia a little too early?” Julius did not answer. He knew Marcus was right.
Julius Starts Saturnalia Early
Marcus and Julius both looked over the fine woodwork, local art and firmed up iron locks and hinges with new nails. It was a great work of craftsmanship. That was the whole idea to spruce things up for Saturnalia. Besides the costumes and booze and food, the idea was to create a little “Theatrical Drama” in a brand new looking place of work. The Masters are the Servants and the Servants are the Masters during a Saturnalia celebration. Switching roles for one night was one of the keynotes of Saturnalia.
Julius pondered. “Every year that crazy blonde Gaul gets loaded and insults our officers big time. I don’t mind Saturnalia. It doesn’t hurt. Except when that guy causes a fight, loses his mind on the grape. It makes me want to just, you know, pound his head in.”
Marcus jumped in, since his boss had indeed been long at the grape himself. Julius had gone through a great deal of their wine inventory. “Yeah, but that’s the idea of Saturnalia; the servant gets to act like a Master, and the Master gets to act like the Servant. Surely, we should be able to take it for one night. Back in Rome, the feasting goes on for several days. Out here in the boondocks with these conscripts and foreigners, it’s just one night.”
Marcus made himself busy taking inventory and prepping the surroundings for the coming feast. The Tavern Owner brought in trays of delights. He had his two daughters along with him. His daughters were dressed revealingly. Julius’s eyes were sufficiently occupied, as the Tavern Owner, a big Samaritan with sandy hair, in his 40’s, showed Julius the bill. “The girls made their way quickly delivering product and adorning the main table, moving about with glowing charm. Julius reached into his bag of coin and paid quickly and generously. “Here. There’s a tip in there too. Gotta keep those girls fed, right?”
Marcus pulled his distracted boss to the side. “Sir, you have gone through our stores and you have also cut into our budget even more for the night.”
Julius had a simmering temper, especially when already in his cups. “Marcus, we don’t need to pay, but what?” He was irritated to have to listen to a monetary issue right before his party was starting. He calmed himself with a realization that Marcus was his right hand.
“Come now.” He put a hand on Marcus’s head, laughing self consciously. “What’s the problem?”
Marcus now had his attention. Sometimes, he had to make him angry before he got his explosive mind to focus. “We have to go out and acquire new wine, and we have to pay the carpenter. Our soldiers are going to come in already drunk. You know how this works, sir. They come drunk, and their appetite for the grape is very strong.”
Julius got a hold of himself. “Yeah, I know what you mean. The guys come in pretty drunk on Saturnalia, don’t they? And we do want to pay those men from Nazareth. They have done a great job. But you be sure and keep that blonde bastard out of my hair. Go get some new wine from the Tavern Owner.”
Just then, the “blonde bastard” walked in with 6 of his cohorts. A stringed instrument began delighting the revelers. They started with an old Roman marching song. Three local women had been brought along. Marcus asked the Tavern Owner and found he had no extra stores of wine. He had sold it all for the upcoming Winter Solstice Festival to other Romanized parties.
The Kid From Nazareth Arrives
Yeshua, Joseph’s teenaged son made his way to the Guard House, as he finished his 4 mile journey, the setting sun blazed and illuminated the structure that he had worked on for weeks. “Not bad” he said to himself. He was happy that he and his Dad had this work to carry them through Winter. They would be able to live off of the profits from this job. The Romans would pay quickly and well. His father had told him what to expect. Joseph had sent his Son to collect the funds. Joseph had gotten a small job suddenly, and did not wish to miss the work.
Yeshua walked softly up to the noise of the Roman soldiers. He was hardly noticeable, a slim hard-muscled Jewish kid dressed like a working class youth. He took a sip of his wine that he had brought along in a new wine skin. Marcus remembered him and shook Yeshua’s hand, as their conversation began. Then a human conflict exploded. All heads turned toward the noise.
Marcus turned and initially shielded Yeshua from the yelling and pushing. Marcus knew what was happening before he even looked. But he looked anyway. Julius was pounding in the face of the Gaul -- the soldier that Julius called the “blonde bastard”. He had thrown three punches to the Gaul’s face when Marcus pulled the furious Julius off of his victim.
“Sir, this is not fun for our men. This is exactly what we don’t want on Saturnalia.” He pulled Julius, Yeshua and the Gaul into the back office room. Yeshua jumped in and comforted the Gaul and wiped his face. He paid close attention to the Gaul’s wounds. His broken teeth were gushing blood.
Marcus calmed Julius, then sent him back into the party. Now that the Gaul was knocked out of the party, Julius would be simply charming with the rest.
In the darkness of the room, lit by two candles, The Kid tended to the Gaul. “Sir, I just came up for our payment. I assume you like our work. Your soldier here will be better.”
“We love your work, but we are out of wine. Most everyone is pretty sated right now, but we still have to have some more wine. Our holiday, Saturnalia has to go well. We need a couple more hours’ worth of wine. You don’t know anyone locally do you?”
The Blonde Gaul Gets His Two Front Teeth Back
Yeshua shook his head “no” and kept bent over the Gaul, whose front teeth were punched in by Julius’s power. He prayed over him and laid hands on him. The Gaul awakened. He reached for his teeth, which were secure in their old positions. “What the hell! My two front teeth were knocked in, and now they are not.”
Marcus looked at the Gaul. He bent over him. “Can you be a Master tonight, and not kill some certain one?”
The Gaul responded quickly. “Yes sir. I want to keep my teeth. Why does Julius hate me so much? I thought I had lost my two front teeth. Believe me, I will be a very humble “Master” tonight.”
Yeshua smiled. “He that would be great must be a servant. Tonight, you get to keep your teeth, and you get to pretend you are a Master. Serve everyone through a humble spirit. They will all be amazed.”
Marcus was happy, but still troubled. “Kid. I have the money to pay you, probably with a good bonus.” He turned from Yeshua’s face. “We just need more wine.”
“Yeshua grabbed his wine skin and said, “I’ll go out and pour some more for your men.”
“That’s not going to do it.”
“Let’s just see.”
Yeshua disappeared into the noisy crowd, pouring servings of wine.
The Gaul spoke to Marcus, grabbing his jaw with glee. “Whoever that kid is, he has some special talents.”
“He’s just a Carpenter’s kid from Nazareth. He’s more than that. He’s more than that. Look at my two front teeth.”
The Wine Does Not Run Dry
Marcus looked into the group. The kid was pouring wine from his skin. It wasn’t running dry. Laughter and happiness poured out of the Guard House. Even Julius was laughing as the festival continued. Marcus sat back and sipped some of the wine from the Kid’s skin. It was the best wine he had ever tasted.
“Hey kid. Why don’t you spend the night here. It’s too far to walk on this cloudy night. Stay here and keep pouring, and I’ll pay you in the morning with a nice bonus for you and your Dad.”
The Kid shrugged his shoulders with his fresh innocence and his glorious smile. “We really love your wine. It seems to have a calming joyous effect on our men. And I want to pay you extra for your work with our wounded soldier.”
“Things are calming down in there. I’ll stay. I like to see Roman soldiers happy. You know what I mean? Romans are the bosses. He held one of the coins from the sack. “This is Caesar’s coin. I will render service accordingly. It’s a night about Masters and Servants, right?”
Marcus turned his head in total curiosity. “Uhm. How do you keep pouring wine from this little skin?” The Kid whimsically observed. “I have another Master who is greater than the Romans.”
Marcus was nonplused and preoccupied.
The Kid looked at a spear leaning against the wall next to the door. “Nice workmanship on that spear.”
“Yes, it’s mine. I have carried it with my Heart all the way from Rome. This was crafted just for me by my Uncle in the Etruscan region. It’s a special work of art and very effective.”
The Kid admired it.
“Hey Kid, got any more of that great grape?” Julius yelled across the big room.
Julius was laughing with a “feed me” look on his face. “Your boss is calling; I’ll check it out later. I’ll spend the night here. I’ve spent the night here before during our work. Don’t forget, I know this place like the back of my hand. Every nail of it.”
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)I'm sorry, all I can think of is, "It's a Saturnalia miracle, Jerry!" LOLYes. Indeed. Thanks for your comment!I didn't mean in any way to sound dismissive of your story. I loved the perspective.No. You got it. This is the way I meant it. Jesus probably celebrated Saturnalia just be living around this town. And if he did. He probably added a real contribution. If you picked up all of my allusions to his real life, you got it.
Your writing draws the reader in, until the story satisfies one's spiritual knowledge and curiosity. Thanks.Thanks for the appreciation.
A tale well told with a twist.This is your kind of tale, I think. Thanks.
You're the best at presenting the ' other story' and there is always the 'other story.' It's usually the original story, from which the later ones were created. Thanks for taking us back to the default- once again Chris- Enjoyed the trip- Always EllaThanks. It was fun turning things around to the way they really were. I figured Jesus was probably celebrating what would become Christmas before it was Christmas, just by being a subcontractor in Sepphoris. Thanks for saying it the way only you can say it.
Hi Christofer.
I enjoyed your tale very much. But I thought there should be more. Is there a sequel in the works?
Hugs,
DianneI actually have had a screenplay written for years about the "Lost Years of Jesus" from Age 12 to the beginning of his ministry. Trips to India, Tibet, Ireland, Spain and romance and adventure. Thanks for asking.
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