Taking a Break from Holiday Sipping and Reputation Tipping
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011
by Christofer French
Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
Real Drinkers often comment from their inelegant perches that the Holiday Season is a “Time for Amateurs”. And indeed there is something to be said about this time of year. Forget all the meaningful and spiritual messages that we are supposed to derive from this time of year, let’s be honest and call it what it is – A Time for Amateurs to Sip and Tip into Manifest Foolishness.
If you have been to one of those “no holds barred” parties that start with such dignity and reverence, and end in clothes coming off, secret interludes in bathrooms and new “relationships” being formed on the spot, after 10 years of quietly desiring an always friendly co-worker.
After some of these corporate orgies, people have been transferred, fired, or just having to live down a singular embarrassment that people will be talking about for years. Like – “Do you remember the time when Ethel and Paul did the Tango half-dressed and completely sloshed? Ethel had a wardrobe malfunction and Paul was really functioning.”
These get togethers should come with official warning signs. “If you come, be sure that you can remember your name when you leave, or you might not be coming back to work”.
The Joy of the Amateur Leads to Professional Excess
It is actually almost heartbreaking watching people who at one point in the day were singing “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” and are now humming “Gimme some lovin…’” as they move their bodies in motions they have not tried to imitate for a decade. It is too simplistic to say: “And such are the dangers of booze”. It is far more complex:
· Put together the end of the year stress releasing moment (You are supposed to get plowed, everyone else is).
· The company is picking up the tab (we all have budgetary permission and professional license to get plowed)
· Oh well, it’s the only time I am drinking this year (the worst reason to let yourself go)
· Oh well, I am known for being “straight laced”, I might as well let go a little. (This tends to guarantee that you will be remembered.
Memorable Zodiac Amateur Commentary on one of Those Nights, When “Cop Stopped”
One of the tricks of living is to get a ride home from one of these events; especially when you were absolutely convinced that you wouldn’t be drinking, “Oh, one or two”, and then later on you realize you are stuck in a logistical dilemma. Why people don’t use Cabs more is truly a sociological phenomenon. Since, most of the stories I am referring to have to do with “amateur” conspicuous consumption, I must point out that sometimes, many of us are not used to being “out of it”, drunk, inebriated, plowed or “half in the bag”. It might aid in letting your imagination go and benefit from thinking about the problem of how we conduct ourselves when we are out there “being amateurs”. The following are typified ways of expressing the ego through the medium of a chemically-altered consciousness.
Scorpio– Always wanting to maintain their dignity, they never quite know when they need to retreat: The Scorpio will do their best not to look silly, but their inability to suddenly bloom from their dour nature doesn’t do them well in this kind of moment. “Ossiifer, I have only been drinking when I have been socializing. I am not smiling because I just don’t do that kind of thing. People say I am a much better personality after they have known me for a little while. No, I don’t expect you to get to know me.”
Gemini– Normally a chatterbox, when buzzed, they turn into magpies. Their thoughts tend to overflow when under stress and pressure. They keep smiles on their faces at times like these. They do their best to show in every way that they are not nervous, when in fact they could be apoplectic. “Well Lieutenant, I mean Sergeant, I mean Man in Blue, I only talk too much when I have had an argument. I have not been drinking that much; I have just been arguing way too much!”
Taurus– Always comfortable with food and drink and sweets, they fold into a truly bovine moment: “Your Honor. I mean, I do respect all of you guys. The first responders, and the second and third responders. I am completely drunk and want to nap. Can you help? Yeah, I realize that if I go to jail I can rest there. But really, I feel really good, not like I have been drinking a lot. Sure I enjoy drinking. No, I am not sleepy because of the booze, you can’t believe how much I have eaten.”
Leo – Always proud and without fault, they can be completely without dignity because they don’t really feel shame. At the worst, they have to deal with the impediment of possible arrest. This really gets under their skin. “Offeror, I mean, huhuh, Officer. You are looking at a man who has been ambushed. Yes, my employees have been slipping stuff in my Ginger Ale for hours. Now, I want you to know who I am. You don’t care who I am? Why, Offeror, what can I say? I am not going to be arrested am I? Oh, yeah, a test. Not sure I am going to like that.”
Virgo - They don’t feel they are better than the rest of us, they quietly know it. When their tummy stops hurting, booze can make them smile. They can’t believe God made it. “Officer, let me tell you I am so happy that people like you give of themselves to protect us from the criminal element. You have a little dandruff on your shoulder, let me wipe it for you. Anyway, I am not of the criminal element. I am a Saint. I don’t look good in handcuffs.”
Sagittarius – Sagittarians cannot be discouraged by the opposition. Being of the “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl” type of charmer, they are undaunted, especially when embarrassed. “You are a fine looking cut of a man, Captain. I know you might not be a Captain, but you sure look like one. Oh, not that you couldn’t be a General if you were in some other Army. Yeah, I know you are a Cop and not the army. Don’t mistake my charm for having been drinking. I am like this even when I am sober. I mean. If I were drunk, I wouldn’t be sounding like this. You know what I mean?”
Cancer– Moody and always thinking about all of their interior issues. The reason they come to the party is to make good connections, and perhaps embrace a new person as a friend. Otherwise, they have business at home. “Hi Officer. I’m afraid I have been caught with a real strong stomach ache. Yeah, I’ve been drinking, but I have been sick and that’s got me a little dizzy. Wish I could get back to my kids. Do you have a family?”
Libra - Always thinking about their balance and grace, they will do their best to keep their poise and allow their voice to stay modulated, even though they sometimes can’t. “Officer, Yes, here’s my license, insurance and registration. If there’s anything else you need….No? How has your day been? If it’s been tough, it doesn’t show on your face. You know, I came to this dumb party because I am single, and was hoping to meet somebody knew. I think this one guy that I didn’t know well, spiked my drink with something that was not very good for me. Are you married?”
Capricorn - The Goat is a high achieving, organized, ambitious planner. They probably can’t believe they are drunk, and probably do not understand that they are in trouble. Their glittering personality is to win the day with the officer. “Yes, officer, everybody in that party has kind of lost control. Thankfully, I did not fall into any trap like that. Yes, I am a little dizzy, and I am a bit tongue-tied, but you know, I helped plan this party, however, the boss went home. Which is why I wanted to go home. Yes. I have my license, but I really am in a rush.”
Pisces – The Fish can be known to drink and can easily become emotionally overwhelmed. In public settings, they can manage quite well with a sweet smile. But when drinking they can seem to be on the edge. “Hello Officer. Yes. It’s quite a party. Uhuh. Yeah I have been drinking. Sure, this is a party where everybody is drinking, but, me? I had a couple drinks. Like I usually do. I mean, you know. I didn’t drink a whole lot, like many of the others are. I have been going through a lot recently. Yes, I have a license.”
Aquarius – The Water Bearer considers themselves pretty bright and on top of things. However, sometimes, in their confidence, they can stub their toe. “Yes, officer. Merry Christmas and all of that. Sometimes people can drink too much at the holidays. Oh, no, not me. I was watching the whole thing. Yeah, I had mostly Ginger Ale. I was trying to be a good example. Yeah, sure I had a couple drinks, but I know how to consume so that the blood alcohol levels stay within range. Oh yeah, I can do the test.”
Aries - Full of initiatory action. The Ram can take charge and lead the way. Never shy or afraid to take the point. They are ready to dominate the conversation, even if it’s with someone who just might dominate. “Yes sir. I wasn’t sure your lights were for me. Since, I knew I wasn’t speeding or weaving. Sure, I have been drinking, but I can’t figure why you stopped me. Oh, I didn’t come to a full stop. Oh, a “California Stop” hey? Well, that’s hardly a reason to think I am drunk. Yes sir. I get what you’re saying. Yeah. I can produce a Registration. Hey, I’m cool.”
The holidays are a time for stress. Sometimes the target of being sociable and affable and care free can put more pressure on us than we really want. If there should be a goal for the “Office Party”, it should be thought of as a social and professional test of your personality and skills.
The Sipping Point Should Not Be a Tipping Point. If you carry off your conduct without drink or a very small amount, then you can take the drama out of the event and not let your sipping become an issue of tipping you into situations you don’t want. The closer you get to letting yourself be fooled by outer circumstances and social tension, the more you could be marching toward embarrassment and judgment.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)I don't believe in astrology. Fortunately I was drunk long enough there were plenty of Christmas's where I could fit under any of the signs you describe. It's sure nice to be sober. Thanks for the warning.There's nothing like knowing about these ruts that we fall into. Experience is truly valuable coin in this world. Thanks for your comment. By the way, its ok not to believe in astrology and still possess a sun sign. It's usually taureans, capricorns or virgos that are quick to point out they dont believe. It makes them feel so earth bound and practical.and not one of the limited who have corny ideas about stars. Earth signs get so comfortable taking that position, not just about astrology, but about anything that can't be quickly validated, or not popularly understood. Again, thanks for your comment.
I laughed a lot through this at your insight into various types of people, as I do not drink at all as a general rule, the exception is wine or champagne at Weddings; or to celebrate with friends etc., and only one or two at most.
At 18-19 there were a couple of times I did "When in 'Rome". I guess I was worried about balance and grace, so I became absent from alcohol totally for a very long time. As an ACA, some of us fear being addicted to anything.
Great information and so true, as I remember those cocktail parties from my executive days, and how some of those people had regrets the next week afterward. Scary.
Enjoyed your analysis.
Thank you very much. I was awaiting and hoping for your comment.
For the life of me I cannot see this drinking and even getting drunk fervor that engages people. I mostly don't even like the taste of booze. I do like my white wines, in particular the European wines. I've learned to like the US wines too. I was raised with wine. Our family drank wine with each meal. From early childhood, I could have a little with my meals. I chose to have some at times. Neither my brother or I drink, never to excess. We have wine or champagne. My kids don't drink at all. I personally love a SingaPore Sling at or before dinner but I haven't even had one of them in absolute eons. So going to a party, wedding or especially a Christmas party would never mean guzzling drinks to me. Frankly, I don' even like parties because of the drinking. People are off the wall when they drink and most of them aren't even likeable. But to see people you work with in this way is even more ridiculous. Some are bad enough as they are. So, no parties. Having said all that, I really did love your insight in this article. I really enjoyed the signs and your take. Lots of work went into the article and it was informative and cool reading!I saw much much in 25 years in the law. Do I ever have stories. Thanks so much for your comment. My point was to the Amateurs. I was not talking about alcoholism, I was talking about the foolish amateurs who don't understand what is going on until its too late. Thanks very much.I'm not really talking alcoholics either. It's just people that are so obsessed with partying so they can get some drinks. I can just bet that you saw more than you ever bargained for. Some good people and a whole lot not very good at all. Some plain stupid. Oh well.Yes. So many Americans "don't want to miss anything" that they wander into trouble.
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