Through Everyday...Turn, Turn, Turn (Vert, Vert, Vert)...Ambiversion
Posted: Thursday, February 16, 2012
by Christofer French
Rain Dancer Associates, LLC
“Oh Chris.” We had just danced up a storm. I was sweating, So was she. But we both kissed as we let the wind cool us at the back door of the Night Club. “God, you are such an extrovert, you know so many people!” “I hate people. That’s why I dance. I don’t have to talk.” It was that drunken quote that sent me on a life long journey into the question of introversion, extraversion and ambiversion.
Pete Seeger’s tune and the Book of Ecclesiastes show us that it is indeed the TIMES in our lives that often influence and declare the WAY we manifest ourselves.
The Byrds and the Bible Shine Light on Human Personality
Words-adapted from The Bible, book of Ecclesiastes
Music-Pete Seeger
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late
As we note that life itself pushes us in certain directions of activity, it also bends us in introverted and extroverted directions. This is not a question with only two answers. Popular talk at bars and parties offers silly and offbeat definitions for introverts and extroverts, but in fact the question is far less delineated, but far more interesting.
Most contemporary trait theories (e.g. the Big Five originating Jungian theories and Minnesota Multiphasic tests) measure levels of extraversion-introversion as part of a single, continuous dimension of personality, with some scores near one end, and others near the half-way mark.
A Continuum – Not an “Innie” or an “Outie”
Ambiversion is a term used to describe people who fall more or less directly in the middle and exhibit tendencies of both groups. An ambivert is normally comfortable with groups and enjoys social interaction, but also relishes time alone and away from the crowd. This is really what we would call a “combination”.
Ways of Understanding
Extraverts are not delinquent and Introverts are not depressed. Now please dump all of your preconceptions, assumptions, insults, for each other, from each other. This topic can certainly make a difference in helping us with higher levels of self-understanding if we start thinking about the affective ways that we experience life.
My own experience with this topic was in one observation when I took the Minnesota test. I read:
“Introverts tend to lose energy or become exhausted when dealing with people at a social level.”
“Extraverts tend to build energy levels when they deal with people and socialize.”
The first time I read this, from the Minnesota test and instructional materials it astounded me. I thought that my particular exhaustion after parties, church and social events was a special problem I had that I branded as a “disorder”.
It bothered me so much that I tried to hide this from my loved ones. After reading this, I came to such a sense of exhilaration that I thought I had been given “permission” to be myself.
It was at this time, that I, through my own experience validated this. And then, as I would declare this to all my friends the answer that came back was like a Tidal Wave.
“Oh Chris, You? No way can you be an Introvert!
You don’t understand. I am a great actor. I am a highly effective sociable wild and crazy INTROVERT.
That is what I told them all.
As the years passed, I realized that I had a personality that did indeed wear out when engaged in live personal settings. But. I relished the experience. It just wore me out. Indeed, when I first saw that word “Ambivert”, I started drawing a picture of myself as life’s situations turned me in different directions.
It was in fact this issue that became my nascent urge to study psychology. But I found it was much more important in understanding my mate.
Your Mate, Loved One, Partner
When I have counseled couples, and bring commentary to couples with astrological understandings, I always emphasize a certain point. It goes something like this.
“You are an expert on yourself, or at least you think you are. Do you understand where your mate is coming from?”
The most important factor in my now 31 year marriage is that she understands my introversion/extroversion personal scale. And, that I understand her introversion/extroversion scale. We are accidentally or happily consciously aware of what each other is going to want to do, what we are not going to want to do, how we are each going to react to this and that couple, this and that event, this or that party. We are in fact so in sync in this regard, that we are in virtual complete harmony. Sure, we are both individuals, but we are able to anticipate how each invdividual is going to react. (We also agree on personal monetary budgeting. This I see as the secret happiness factor that is not understood like it should be for marital success.)
Yes, we are both ambiverts, in our way of understanding the “scale”. The blessing here is that we honor each other in our personal scales. We don’t say: “You stupid shy introvert, why don’t you want to talk to those fascinating people?” Or: “How can you talk so long with those people, omg.”
This Article has been viewed 661 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Neat as always Chris! I think you gave me an idea for the next week topic!!!Thank you sir. You offer me ample inspiration via your ideas. Proceed, my friend.
This is very enlightening, and helps me see that I am in the middle with "Ambiversion", a leaning toward introversion....I don't get lonely or need people like many extroverts, but I do enjoy being around certain types of people for periods of time. I do tire of too much socializing and feel drained after too much chit chat that is boring or seems to have no real purpose. Great insight into the psyche of our humanity.Yes, as you observe yourself experimentally, you can see the scale slide this way and that. Thanks for your comment, as always.
Yours, Chris.
There always seems to be so much mental energy put into your articles. The thought of trying to do stuff like this exhausts me. I guess I've been focusing on the mechanics and just dont seem to be able to take the time to "say something," or write fiction. Another good one, of course.Thank you sir. Just contemplating your efforts brings the same level of "exhaustion" to my head. I guess, this is kind of what we are talking about here. Looking forward to your next.
This is probably the best article that could be written on this subject. I think we are all ambiverts- it's not whether we are extroverts or introverts, but to what degree we are both.
Thanks Chris- enjoyed this- Always Ella P.S.- That's one of my favorite songs-Thank you for your validation. And yes, that song just gets me too! Nothing like Solomonic poetry set in a modern context. I used to sing it on my guitar a lot. I really appreciate your assessment.You are more than welcome- anytime-
I think my husband and I would both fall under the ambiverts category. Like you and your wife, we've learned to read one another pretty well too which makes life much easier. I loved the description you gave of yourself - highly effective sociable wild and crazy INTROVERT. And you can dance too! Funny, and interesting as always Christofer.
Thanks Brianna. Yes, thank you. I do think its more important, if you are married or hooked up to understand your "other" more than yourself.
I guess all of are ambiverts on different scales. But yes, the important point is that we shouldn't insult others for their behaviour but just understand it.Amen. And be patient with ourselves, as we move to understand ourselves better. Thanks for your comment.
Great article, Christopher! Bruce and I took a personality test before we married and scored on wildly opposite ends of the spectrum, I scored as an aggressive/extrovert, he scored as a passive/introvert. (They told us we should consider not getting married... lol) Those test results were largely true but now that we've been together for more than 25 years, we have both mellowed each other in pretty much everything.
We have both moved toward being "ambiverts". I have gained much appreciation for and now plan specifically for alone time and he plans and loves a good party. One thing that has never changed is our reaction to social settings; I am still energized by them, he still finds them exhausting.
One thing I don't think I've ever heard mentioned is that the converse of that paradigm is also true. As a native introvert, he is energized by his alone time, while I, the native extrovert, find too much alone time gets me maudlin and depressed.My love of my own private company is a secret I must keep for myself. If I ever started talking about it to others, I would sound even more of a "Hermit" than I am thought to be. You are absolutely right though. My poor brother suffers because he is an extravert whose life has sadly found him virtually alone. When he gets with people, he is like a happy child. Thanks for your comments. And thanks for the "Pick of the Day".
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.